Parenting - A dilemma

I have a conflict in my mind which I can discuss only with someone whom I can trust will help me analyse the situation without being judgmental about Su as a kid or me as a parent.

Every story has a beginning and this one started with my worry about a situation around Su. I'll spare the details, but I have a feeling that I might be exaggerating a bit.  When I started to think about solving this hiccup, my mind led me to deeper and more pressing issues. I was worried about her peers, teachers, cousins, relatives and everyone she or I have cared or will ever care about, being judgmental about her. I could see that she was sensing it too, but how?
Cranky Su = Hangry (hungry or angry)? Su = Sleepy Su = Tired or sick Su
Or
Cranky Su = something uncomfortable is running in her mind Su.
The one that I worry the most is the last one. The first ones are easily manageable and quickly addressed to. The last one is a terror because getting to the root cause is never easy. The problem may be something different than what meets the eye.

And in the meanwhile, I am being judged as well on the grounds of my principles, my parenting, my career aspirations, my career achievements and me in totality. In the quest of work life balance I channelized my time and energy into being a better parent than towards my career, which further led to bigger problems. I constantly feel that I am failing in a bad way and falling into the abyss of guilt and non-accomplishment in all areas. Neither have I accomplished anything great in my career (or so I feel) nor have I done justice to my lil one who still craves for my love and attention. It's an everyday conflict.

Is it only the fear of judgment and the feeling of non-accomplishment? Or is it beyond that? Is it the feeling of guilt? Guilt of what? Not making a perfect daughter? Not being an ideal mother? Not being an example to be followed?

But what is perfect and what is ideal? And who defined them?
Is it in my upbringing? Have I set the bar too high for myself? Or is it the world? What am I trying to prove? For whom am I trying to prove wrong?

I have a beautiful daughter. She is beautiful inside out. A mind that can think far beyond mine. A maturity level I didn't have when I was her age. Logical thinking that only people close to her can gauge or understand. A beautiful heart and an untouched soul.

How do you gauge a child? External appearance? External behaviour? Communication?
I don't want to let the world scar her soul. I may not be able to protect her from the world. But I can try to arm her with enough weapons to deal with them.

Every child is distinct and every parent is different so will be their parenting. No one has the right or authority to judge. Neither shall I give them power to control my emotions nor will I let them win in shaking my confidence or my lil one’s.

I may not have a startup yet or I may not be the CEO of a company but I do have a decent career that helps me concentrate on my home, my lil Su, my attempts in writings and helps me meet my extravagant ends. So why complain?

MahalakshmaShTaka Stotram

MahalakshmaaShTaka stotram is sung in the praise of Godess Lakshmi. I learnt this stotra as a kid from the last page of Vishnu sahasranama book in my house. Recently I also found out that this stotra comes from the Padma Purana. It is easy for kids to learn these shlokas.

MahalakshmaShTaka Stotram

Namaste Garudda-Aaruuddhe Kola-Aasura-Bhayamkari |
Sarva-Paapa-Hare Devi Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||2||

Sarvajnye Sarva-Varade Sarva-Dusstta-Bhayamkari |
Sarva-Duhkha-Hare Devi Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||3||

Siddhi-Buddhi-Prade Devi Bhukti-Mukti-Pradaayini |
Mantra-Muurte Sadaa Devi Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||4||

Aady-Anta-Rahite Devi Aadya-Shakti-Maheshvari |
Yogaje Yoga-Sambhuute Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||5||

Sthuula-Suukssma-Mahaaroudre Mahaa-Shakti-Mahodare |
Mahaa-Paapa-Hare Devi Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||6||

Padma-Aasana-Sthite Devi Para-Brahma-Svaruupinni |
Parameshi Jagan-Maatar-Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||7||

Shveta-Ambara-Dhare Devi Naana-Alangkaara-Bhuussite |
Jagatsthite Jagan-Maatar-Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||8||

Mahaalakssmy-Assttakam Stotram Yah Patthed-Bhaktimaan-Narah |
Sarva-Siddhim-Avaapnoti Raajyam Praapnoti Sarvadaa ||9||

Eka-Kaale Patthen-Nityam Mahaa-Paapa-Vinaashanam |
Dvi-Kaalam Yah Patthen-Nityam Dhana-Dhaanya-Samanvitah ||10||

Tri-Kaalam Yah Patthen-Nityam Mahaa-Shatru-Vinaashanam |
Mahaalakssmir-Bhaven-Nityam Prasannaa Varadaa Shubhaa ||11||


Movie Reference: I watched the young Sri Shankaracharya sing this stotra for Mother KaaLi in the famous kannada movie " Sri Kollur Mookambike". The film depicts the story in the following fashion. Sri Shankaracharya, while crossing a forest in the night, comes across a 'grama devate' in her bhayankara avatar. The 'grama devate' tries to scare the young Shankara. But young Shankara sees the Godess in her and convinces her to come to her original form and sings the MahalakshmaShTaka Stotram. I am not sure the  authenticity of this story. Anyways, here is the link
https://youtu.be/cQEviLhzKOU

Origin & Destination - AkaShat patitam tOyam!

I was watching the Movie "Adi Shankaracharya" to view that portion where the little Shankara sings Mahalakshmi AShtakam for the Godess Kaali. I, instead, stumbled upon this Shloka.  The saying in the Shloka is so meaningful, such a bliss!!! One can interpret it in anyway. I can say that today is going to be more peaceful and all thanks to these words

आकाषात् पतितं तोयं यथा गच्छति सागरम् |
सर्व देव नमस्कारः केशवं प्रति गच्छति ||

AkAshAt patitam tOyam yathA gacchati sAgaram |
sarva dEva namaskArah kEshavam pratigacchati ||


Interpretations:
Literal meaning:
As all the raindrops falling from the sky ultimately meet their end in the ocean, the worship of any divine God ultimately reach the one Supreme Lord.

Interpretation 1:
Like the raindrops falling on the earth ultimately merge with the sea, all of us have emerged from the divine and will one day revert to him.

Interpretation 2: (Source Link is mentioned below)
Just as the rivers discard their individual names to merge with the sea
So too the wise ones discard their egos to merge with the Infinite

Interpretation 3:
Approaches & Origins may be different but the destination is the same.

On the look of it there there is the mention of keShava, meaning this is to do with dwaita principle. But it is said that this can be interpreted to portray the adwaita principle as well. For me, this Shloka is beyond dwaita and adwaita principles. It is about achieving a mental and emotional state where the happenings of the day to day should not and does not effect your steps towards achieving your final goal.

Interpretation is left open to the reader. While going through the net, I found the below link explaining a different perspective.

http://indusladies.com/community/threads/aakaashaat-pateetam-toyam-yatha-gacchati-saagaram.207491/

ॐ  शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ||

Shiva Ananda Lahari

Shiva Ananda Lahari as per my understanding is sung in the praise of Shiva and his consort Parvati. This was given as deekshe by my Guru. There is a certain way to recite this shloka. It has  to be sung twice. First set has to be sung from Shloka 1 to 7. Second set has to be sung in reverse, that is, from Shloka 7 to 1.

Shivananda Lahari

kalaabhyam choodaalankrutha ShaShi kalabhyaam nija thapa
phalabyam bhakteShu prakaTitha phalabhyam bhavathu me |
Shivaabhyam asthoka thribhuvana Shivaabhyam hrudi punar
bhavaabhyam ananda sphura dhanubhavabhyaam natiriyam ||1||

Amari kabari bhara brahmari mukari krutham |
doori karothu duritham gauri Charana pankajam ||2||

Mahaantham Vishwasam tava Charana Pankhe ruha yuge
nidhaayaanyannaivaashritha mihamaya daivathamume |
thaThapi twacche tho yadi mayi najaayetha sadayam
Niraalambo lambodara janani kam yaami Sharanam ||3||

Himaadre Sambhootha sulalitha karaihi pallavayutha
supuShpa mukthabhir brahmara kalitha chaala kabarihi |
krithasthaNu Sthaana kuchaphala nathaa sookthi sarasaa
rujaam hanthri ganthri vilasathi chidananda lathika ||4||

Rakthothpala rakthalatha prabhabhyaam
dhwajordhwarekha kuliShankithabhyam |
Ashesha Vrindaaraka Vandithaabhyam
Namo Bhavani Pada pankajaabhyam || 5||

duswapna dushshakuna durgathi daurmanasya durbhiksha durvysana dussaha duryaShamsi |
Utpaatha taapa viShabheetimasadgrahaarthi vyadheenShcha naaShayathu me jagataamadheesha ||6||

galaanthi Shambo twaccharitha saritaha kilbisha rajo
dalanthi dheekulyasarNiShu patanti vijayataam |
diShanti samsaara brahmana paritaapopaShamanam
vasanti maccheto hrudabhuvi Shivanandalahari ||7||

I am unable to find this set of shloka anywhere  on the net. Will soon try to post the meaning of each of this shlokas.

Ganesha Shlokas

We offer our first prayers to Lord Ganesha, the Vignanaashaka, the Vignahartha, Destroyer of Obstacles. Listed below are a few common shlokas that can be taught to kids.

1. Vakrathunda Mahakaaya

Vakratund Mahakaya Surya Koti Samaprabha
Nirvhignam Kurumedeya Sarva Karyashu Sarvada ||

2. Shuklaambaradharam 

Shukla-Ambara-Dharam Vissnnum Shashi-Varnnam Catur-Bhujam |
Prasanna-Vadanam Dhyaayet Sarva-Vighnopashaantaye ||

3. Gajaananam Bhuuta

Gajaananam Bhuuta-Gannaadi Sevitam
Kapittha Jambuu-Phala-Saara Bhakssitam
Umaa-Sutam Shoka Vinaasha-Kaarannam
Namaami Vighneshvara Paada-Pangkajam ||

4. GaNaanam Pathim

GaNaanam Pathim Vigna harthaaram eesham
Kaveenaam Kavim Sarva karyadi Poojyam|
Maha Yoginaam Aprameyam Prasiddham
Smararesthanoojam Bhaje JyesTha Raajam||

5. Heramba

Om Namo Heramba Mada Modita SankasTaan Nivaraaya||

6. Benaka Benaka

Benaka Benaka Eka danta Pacchekallu
Paani peeta muttina unde Ponna Ghante
Oppuva Vigneshwaranige ippatthondu namaskaragalu ||


7. Ganesha PanchaRatnam

Mudaa-Karaatta-Modakam Sadaa Vimukti-Saadhakam
Kalaa-Dhara-Avatamsakam Vilaasi-Loka-Rakssakam |
Anaayakaika-Naayakam Vinaashitebha-Daityakam
Nata-Ashubha-Ashu-Naashakam Namaami Vinaayakam ||1||

Natetara-Ati-Bhiikaram Navodita-Arka-Bhaasvaram
Namat-Sura-Ari-Nir-Jaram Nata-Adhika-Apad-Uddharam |
Sureshvaram Nidhi eshvaram Gajeshvaram Ganneshvaram
Maheshvaram Tama-Ashraye Paraatparam Nir-Antaram ||2||

Samasta-Loka-Shamkaram Nirasta-Daitya-Kun.jaram
Daretarodaram Varam Varebha-Vaktram-Akssaram |
Krpaa-Karam Kssamaa-Karam Mudaa-Karam Yashas-Karam
Manas-Karam Namas-Krtaam Namas-Karomi Bhaasvaram ||3||

Akincana-arti-Maarjanam Cirantanokti-Bhaajanam
Pura-Ari-Puurva-Nandanam Sura-Ari-Garva-Carvannam |
Prapan.ca-Naasha-Bhiissannam Dhananjaya-adi-Bhuussannam
Kapola-Daana-Vaarannam Bhaje Puraanna-Vaarannam ||4||

Nitaanta-Kaanta-Danta-Kaantim-Antaka-Antaka-atmajam
Acintya-Ruupam-Anta-Hiinam-Antaraaya-Krntanam |
Hrd-Antare Nirantaram Vasantam-Eva Yoginaam
Tam-Eka-Dantam-Eva Tam Vicintayaami Santatam ||5||


Here is also the link to Ganesha Pancharatnam sung by MS Subbalakshmi
https://youtu.be/KbXZUWW6pzA?list=PLj_fI0oOfCJXY4-UrnmVKwIgdod1gwWE_

Here is a very good site for more shlokas and more information on these shlokas.
http://www.greenmesg.org/mantras_slokas.php

Mobile Gaming

How often do u hear a kid say  "I shouldn't have downloaded that game". Rarely? Rather Never! Today morning Su was upset with a game on her Appa's cellphone.

Su downloads games on her appa's cellphone happily plays it. She goes to her Appa for help when complexity of levels of the game increases which is the general norm with any game she plays and her Appa helps her with those levels. The recent game that she downloaded was no different. But with this game, the case was a little unique. Her Appa got addicted to the game to the extent that he would play it all the time.

Today morning it was heights, she could not take it when her Appa didn't sit with her at the breakfast table in order to play the game. She was so disappointed and depressed that she said with all seriousness "I shouldn't have downloaded that game at all!!!!"

I was rolling laughing and now I know how to get rid of her cellphone game addiction.

Caterpillar on the tree

Caterpillar on the tree,
Wonder, why can't I see?
The beautiful butterfly that you'll be;
My whole world is on a judging spree!


Whose story is it anyway? Caterpillar,  me, or the judgemental world?

Dark or Light

One day Su came home stating that no one of her friends really like her. Reason:  They don't want her be friends with gals who are of the darker complexion.
Su: "What if she is dark, Amma, she is so beautiful. Why should I not keep my lunch bag with hers?, Why can't I talk to her?, etc."
On probing more she started weeping. She said “No one loves me, Amma. All my friends are her my friends because I am fair.”

Dark Outside; Darker Inside?
Light Outside; Brighter Inside? 

Beautiful Mind; Beautiful Queries 4

1.       Why are Windmills not rotating?
2.       Why are Carrots so hard?
3.       So, are onions are also hard, they are roots too?
4.       Why do bees live in hive?
5.       Why does earth rotate around sun?
6.       Why does everyone like everybody
7.       Why does it tear when you cry?
8.       How much hair does a human have
9.       How does Google know answers?
10.   How does a mobile ring?
11.   Why do we get hiccups?
12.   Why don’t we get hurt on ur nails?
13.   Why don’t we turn though the earth rotate?
14.   Why should we blink?
15.   Why should we breathe?
16.   Why should we not die?
17.   Why do we need a house?
18.   Why do we write tulu in Kannada?
19.   How does the fog form inside the car
20.   Why are school buses yellow
21.   Why shouldn't we eat while we sleep
22.   Why does hair have roots
23.   Why doesn't water have color
24.   How does cartoon work? Drawing versus
25.   Why does the skin get dry
26.   Why doesn't Santa come to Bangalore
27.   Why is bheema fat
28.   Why is bheema not alive
29.   I don't want to die. Why do ppl die
30.   Why don't Gods die
31.   Why can't we hold water in our hands.. Why does it flow away
32.   Why do we like our mom
33.   Why do moms love  their children more than the children love their mom
34.   Why is a collection of fish called fish and not fishes
35.   Why do we have to follow queue
36.   Why does the ear block while we go down the hill
37.   Why doesnt it hurt on the extended part of the nail

Beautiful Minds; Beautiful Queries 3

Dialogues of the day!!!
And here comes Su's dialogue of the day "Amma, please don't go to Mlore this week. I cannot live without you."

Su: “Amma, Do you know there are two types of Hot - one hot as in spicy or hot food, and the other hot as in SEXY hot” (in her dramatic way)

Su: "We should go home. Home is so much fun. If we didn't have home, we would die."

Aapke Twacha se aapka Umar ka patha hi Nahi Chalta
I was telling S that his driving will age me 10 years further due to stress... And Su said (from the back of the car) “Instead, Amma, why don't u use Olay”

Toxic
Me: What is toxic Su?
Su: Amma, Toxic means talking while u r sick

Smartie Pants
She feels that everyone in my family feels that I am intelligent. So she keeps teasing me for it. She keeps telling me things like I should know what happened in her school coz I know everything etc.
We were talking about something and out of the blue she told me.  “Amma, it’s not enough if u are intelligent, you have to be thin and smart too”

Go Go Go
We were asking her to get ready early on a Sunday morning. As it is she hates bathing on a weekend. We were constantly telling her to go take bath. After a while the phrase reduced to GO. GO. GO.  She came screaming from her room.. "GO GO... where to go? Should I leave the house and go?" S and I were laughing like crazy.

Equality when it comes to Rules
S threw Su's socks and made her pick it up. “If I throw something I have to pick it up and if Appa throws anything, even then I have to pick it up. What sort of rule is this? "

Weight Issues

Su has always been a chubby baby. Everyone from his side of the family fears that she will take after me and be Obese when she grows up.

Having said that, Su's weight fluctuates between 30 and 32 kgs at 4 ft 6 inches. She had reduced to 30 kgs due to the special garment she wore for healing her burn marks (that’s another story for another day) and also not eating well. One evening, she started walking about in the house frantically. I noticed that she had checked her weight and it was 30.2 kgs. As soon as she saw S she asked him, "Appa, Do u think I have grown fat?"   Look what society and peer pressure does to children in this era. 

It was a task to explain to her the difference between weight and fitness, the importance of healthy eating and exercising and how eating right will help her grow tall and help her hair grow. 

Lessons for Life - Child to Mother

I am not a great storyteller, yet I hope that this story brings out the true essence of the life lessons that my lil baby has taught me. I am a 9 year old mother. My lil Su is yet to turn 9. Here is a conversation that took place exactly 2 months before her 9th birthday.

Mother - Daughter Conversation 

Scene 1: 
Su: (at the dinner table) Amma, Why do u just have Soup for dinner? Is it enough?
Me: I am ok dear. Soup is enough, I am not very hungry

Scene 2: 
Me: (Standing in front of the mirror), Su, Do you think I have grown thin?
Su: No  Amma,
Me: (Shocked!!!)
Su: You are still fat Amma. And so is Appa. Please don't change Amma, I love you and I love Appa too.  I love you both the way you are.
Me: (Spellbound!!!! In tears of Joy!!!!!)

Background: 
I have been frantically trying to lose weight since April 2015. I worked hard to lose 12 kilos but I regained about 5 Kilos back in a span of 2-3 months. Now in the second sprint, with great effort I have lost 1 kilo again, making the effective loss to 8 kgs.

For all people who know me, Su isn't like me. She is an introvert, shy, less of a speaker, not very quick in responding with wit. OR so I thought. Not Anymore!!!!!!!!

A child's Lessons of and for Life to a mother: 

The latest trends on the internet teaches so much about parenting, not to impose our expectations on our children, to lead by example, to be patient with the kids, to accept them as they are, stand up for them whenever there is a need etc etc etc. Su's thought process has taught me everything that internet could not imbibe in me.

Su accepting me as I am makes me want to accept myself as I am. She doesn't know that  I have a medical condition that makes it losing weight very difficult. Yet she accepts me as I am. I have never been so unconditionally loved by anyone. Yes, loosing weight is important but it only plays a small part in being fit. I will strive to be fitter everyday. With an assurance from your loved ones that they will love you for who you are and not for what you look like makes you want to be fitter.

If Su can accept me as I am why have I not been able to accept her as she is. Why do I always want her to be better than she already is. I know as parents we always want our children to better everyday. But now I feel my expectations were beyond reasonable. She is a lil bud with a beautiful mind and today, I promise I wont let her bloom before age. I promise myself not to impose my pace of doing things on her. I will let her do things in her own pace and adapt myself to her pace.

Su has never ever given up on me when people have claimed that I am fat. For instance, when my Gym instructor told her that her mother was an XL, she retorted stating that he was an XS and her mother was only an M. :) This is just with the way I look.  I remember the day I lost my wallet that had heavy cash in it. I was feeling very guilty and Su's Appa was a lil furious with me. But Su didnt utter a word but she asked me to come closer to her and she gave me a tight hug to make me feel better. In yet another instance, she has stopped her Appa from being furious with me for being late for her school bus. She told him that I was late because I was doing all the house hold chores and getting her ready whereas he was doing nothing. She stands by me in whatever situation I am in. She is leading by example, which ideally should have been my role. Now, that she has become my Guru, let me atleast follow her footsteps. Darling Su, I promise to stand by you in every step of your life.

Today I stand with my head held high that I have such a daughter whom I am proud of and whom I have come to respect at a tender age of 8 years and 10 months. (Su, If you are particular about your age, so shall I be. :) I hope, someday, you get to know that I love you with all my heart, soul and everything there is of me.)