I have a conflict in my mind which I can discuss only with someone whom I can trust will help me analyse the situation without being judgmental about Su as a kid or me as a parent.
Every story has a beginning and this one started with my worry about a situation around Su. I'll spare the details, but I have a feeling that I might be exaggerating a bit. When I started to think about solving this hiccup, my mind led me to deeper and more pressing issues. I was worried about her peers, teachers, cousins, relatives and everyone she or I have cared or will ever care about, being judgmental about her. I could see that she was sensing it too, but how?
Cranky Su = Hangry (hungry or angry)? Su = Sleepy Su = Tired or sick Su
Or
Cranky Su = something uncomfortable is running in her mind Su.
The one that I worry the most is the last one. The first ones are easily manageable and quickly addressed to. The last one is a terror because getting to the root cause is never easy. The problem may be something different than what meets the eye.
And in the meanwhile, I am being judged as well on the grounds of my principles, my parenting, my career aspirations, my career achievements and me in totality. In the quest of work life balance I channelized my time and energy into being a better parent than towards my career, which further led to bigger problems. I constantly feel that I am failing in a bad way and falling into the abyss of guilt and non-accomplishment in all areas. Neither have I accomplished anything great in my career (or so I feel) nor have I done justice to my lil one who still craves for my love and attention. It's an everyday conflict.
Is it only the fear of judgment and the feeling of non-accomplishment? Or is it beyond that? Is it the feeling of guilt? Guilt of what? Not making a perfect daughter? Not being an ideal mother? Not being an example to be followed?
But what is perfect and what is ideal? And who defined them?
Is it in my upbringing? Have I set the bar too high for myself? Or is it the world? What am I trying to prove? For whom am I trying to prove wrong?
I have a beautiful daughter. She is beautiful inside out. A mind that can think far beyond mine. A maturity level I didn't have when I was her age. Logical thinking that only people close to her can gauge or understand. A beautiful heart and an untouched soul.
How do you gauge a child? External appearance? External behaviour? Communication?
I don't want to let the world scar her soul. I may not be able to protect her from the world. But I can try to arm her with enough weapons to deal with them.
Every child is distinct and every parent is different so will be their parenting. No one has the right or authority to judge. Neither shall I give them power to control my emotions nor will I let them win in shaking my confidence or my lil one’s.
I may not have a startup yet or I may not be the CEO of a company but I do have a decent career that helps me concentrate on my home, my lil Su, my attempts in writings and helps me meet my extravagant ends. So why complain?
Every story has a beginning and this one started with my worry about a situation around Su. I'll spare the details, but I have a feeling that I might be exaggerating a bit. When I started to think about solving this hiccup, my mind led me to deeper and more pressing issues. I was worried about her peers, teachers, cousins, relatives and everyone she or I have cared or will ever care about, being judgmental about her. I could see that she was sensing it too, but how?
Cranky Su = Hangry (hungry or angry)? Su = Sleepy Su = Tired or sick Su
Or
Cranky Su = something uncomfortable is running in her mind Su.
The one that I worry the most is the last one. The first ones are easily manageable and quickly addressed to. The last one is a terror because getting to the root cause is never easy. The problem may be something different than what meets the eye.
And in the meanwhile, I am being judged as well on the grounds of my principles, my parenting, my career aspirations, my career achievements and me in totality. In the quest of work life balance I channelized my time and energy into being a better parent than towards my career, which further led to bigger problems. I constantly feel that I am failing in a bad way and falling into the abyss of guilt and non-accomplishment in all areas. Neither have I accomplished anything great in my career (or so I feel) nor have I done justice to my lil one who still craves for my love and attention. It's an everyday conflict.
Is it only the fear of judgment and the feeling of non-accomplishment? Or is it beyond that? Is it the feeling of guilt? Guilt of what? Not making a perfect daughter? Not being an ideal mother? Not being an example to be followed?
But what is perfect and what is ideal? And who defined them?
Is it in my upbringing? Have I set the bar too high for myself? Or is it the world? What am I trying to prove? For whom am I trying to prove wrong?
I have a beautiful daughter. She is beautiful inside out. A mind that can think far beyond mine. A maturity level I didn't have when I was her age. Logical thinking that only people close to her can gauge or understand. A beautiful heart and an untouched soul.
How do you gauge a child? External appearance? External behaviour? Communication?
I don't want to let the world scar her soul. I may not be able to protect her from the world. But I can try to arm her with enough weapons to deal with them.
Every child is distinct and every parent is different so will be their parenting. No one has the right or authority to judge. Neither shall I give them power to control my emotions nor will I let them win in shaking my confidence or my lil one’s.
I may not have a startup yet or I may not be the CEO of a company but I do have a decent career that helps me concentrate on my home, my lil Su, my attempts in writings and helps me meet my extravagant ends. So why complain?