Su's Veene Performance

On 20th May 2018, on the occassion of our house warming, the kids performed Musical Instruments. Su performed a few geethes, Krithis, mantras, songs on Veene. Here is the link.

She is being trained under Guru, Indira Murthy from Vani Gana Mandira.

Link to Part 1: 

Lambodara - 0:00
Vara Veena - 1:45

Link to Part 2: 

Vinayaka Keerthane - 0.00
Brahma Muraari - 3.15
Aigiri Nandini - 6.00
Raghupathi Raghava - 7.15
Bhagyada Lakshmi baramma- 9.35
Twinkle twinkle - 10.50

Saga of a sleep deprived working mom

I am a sleep deprived mom. Correction, I am sleep deprived working mom. On a normal day, I doze off in the cab on my way to work. Commute is a good time to catch up on some sleep. Though its never enough, it still a relief and an energizer. In addition, Uber has good AC cars and that helps. The slow moving traffic in Bangalore makes the journey a little longer but how am I to know! :P


Something strange happened today on my way to work. As usual, last night was a sleepless night. I must have dozed off. I woke up to non stop loud honking by many vehicles. With very difficulty I opened my eyes cursing the guys who were honking behind, wondering what had gone wrong. I could see the empty road with no vehicles for 200 mts ahead of me. I was looking for the driver only to realize, I hadn’t found an uber in the morning and I was behind the wheels driving. A terror ran through me. I was wide awake in a jiffy and started moving. I was wide awake for the rest of the journey relieved only after I reached my workplace.

Later started thinking that zillion things could have happened. What if I had met with an accident or what if I had banged into an innocent life? What if??? On analyzing the situation further, I wondered, there must have been so many people cursing a lady driver who hadn’t moved despite the vehicles ahead moving and the road was empty. Also, wondering what could have been the first thoughts in those minds in the cars behind me.. “ No wonder this happened.  It’s a lady driver.”, “Oh a lady driver! She wouldn’t know to drive and the vehicle would have abruptly stopped.”, “Then, may be, she was on the phone”, “Such a B**”, etc.

No one would ever understand the exhaustion of a mom unless it’s a mom going through the same phase. People can be judgmental! People can be critical! Driving in this condition was a bad choice. But on a day like this, if I made up my mind to come to work and work being high on caffeine, I know I am working for a better today and tomorrow.

Parenting - A dilemma

I have a conflict in my mind which I can discuss only with someone whom I can trust will help me analyse the situation without being judgmental about Su as a kid or me as a parent.

Every story has a beginning and this one started with my worry about a situation around Su. I'll spare the details, but I have a feeling that I might be exaggerating a bit.  When I started to think about solving this hiccup, my mind led me to deeper and more pressing issues. I was worried about her peers, teachers, cousins, relatives and everyone she or I have cared or will ever care about, being judgmental about her. I could see that she was sensing it too, but how?
Cranky Su = Hangry (hungry or angry)? Su = Sleepy Su = Tired or sick Su
Or
Cranky Su = something uncomfortable is running in her mind Su.
The one that I worry the most is the last one. The first ones are easily manageable and quickly addressed to. The last one is a terror because getting to the root cause is never easy. The problem may be something different than what meets the eye.

And in the meanwhile, I am being judged as well on the grounds of my principles, my parenting, my career aspirations, my career achievements and me in totality. In the quest of work life balance I channelized my time and energy into being a better parent than towards my career, which further led to bigger problems. I constantly feel that I am failing in a bad way and falling into the abyss of guilt and non-accomplishment in all areas. Neither have I accomplished anything great in my career (or so I feel) nor have I done justice to my lil one who still craves for my love and attention. It's an everyday conflict.

Is it only the fear of judgment and the feeling of non-accomplishment? Or is it beyond that? Is it the feeling of guilt? Guilt of what? Not making a perfect daughter? Not being an ideal mother? Not being an example to be followed?

But what is perfect and what is ideal? And who defined them?
Is it in my upbringing? Have I set the bar too high for myself? Or is it the world? What am I trying to prove? For whom am I trying to prove wrong?

I have a beautiful daughter. She is beautiful inside out. A mind that can think far beyond mine. A maturity level I didn't have when I was her age. Logical thinking that only people close to her can gauge or understand. A beautiful heart and an untouched soul.

How do you gauge a child? External appearance? External behaviour? Communication?
I don't want to let the world scar her soul. I may not be able to protect her from the world. But I can try to arm her with enough weapons to deal with them.

Every child is distinct and every parent is different so will be their parenting. No one has the right or authority to judge. Neither shall I give them power to control my emotions nor will I let them win in shaking my confidence or my lil one’s.

I may not have a startup yet or I may not be the CEO of a company but I do have a decent career that helps me concentrate on my home, my lil Su, my attempts in writings and helps me meet my extravagant ends. So why complain?

MahalakshmaShTaka Stotram

MahalakshmaaShTaka stotram is sung in the praise of Godess Lakshmi. I learnt this stotra as a kid from the last page of Vishnu sahasranama book in my house. Recently I also found out that this stotra comes from the Padma Purana. It is easy for kids to learn these shlokas.

MahalakshmaShTaka Stotram

Namaste Garudda-Aaruuddhe Kola-Aasura-Bhayamkari |
Sarva-Paapa-Hare Devi Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||2||

Sarvajnye Sarva-Varade Sarva-Dusstta-Bhayamkari |
Sarva-Duhkha-Hare Devi Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||3||

Siddhi-Buddhi-Prade Devi Bhukti-Mukti-Pradaayini |
Mantra-Muurte Sadaa Devi Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||4||

Aady-Anta-Rahite Devi Aadya-Shakti-Maheshvari |
Yogaje Yoga-Sambhuute Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||5||

Sthuula-Suukssma-Mahaaroudre Mahaa-Shakti-Mahodare |
Mahaa-Paapa-Hare Devi Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||6||

Padma-Aasana-Sthite Devi Para-Brahma-Svaruupinni |
Parameshi Jagan-Maatar-Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||7||

Shveta-Ambara-Dhare Devi Naana-Alangkaara-Bhuussite |
Jagatsthite Jagan-Maatar-Mahaalakssmi Namostute ||8||

Mahaalakssmy-Assttakam Stotram Yah Patthed-Bhaktimaan-Narah |
Sarva-Siddhim-Avaapnoti Raajyam Praapnoti Sarvadaa ||9||

Eka-Kaale Patthen-Nityam Mahaa-Paapa-Vinaashanam |
Dvi-Kaalam Yah Patthen-Nityam Dhana-Dhaanya-Samanvitah ||10||

Tri-Kaalam Yah Patthen-Nityam Mahaa-Shatru-Vinaashanam |
Mahaalakssmir-Bhaven-Nityam Prasannaa Varadaa Shubhaa ||11||


Movie Reference: I watched the young Sri Shankaracharya sing this stotra for Mother KaaLi in the famous kannada movie " Sri Kollur Mookambike". The film depicts the story in the following fashion. Sri Shankaracharya, while crossing a forest in the night, comes across a 'grama devate' in her bhayankara avatar. The 'grama devate' tries to scare the young Shankara. But young Shankara sees the Godess in her and convinces her to come to her original form and sings the MahalakshmaShTaka Stotram. I am not sure the  authenticity of this story. Anyways, here is the link
https://youtu.be/cQEviLhzKOU

Origin & Destination - AkaShat patitam tOyam!

I was watching the Movie "Adi Shankaracharya" to view that portion where the little Shankara sings Mahalakshmi AShtakam for the Godess Kaali. I, instead, stumbled upon this Shloka.  The saying in the Shloka is so meaningful, such a bliss!!! One can interpret it in anyway. I can say that today is going to be more peaceful and all thanks to these words

आकाषात् पतितं तोयं यथा गच्छति सागरम् |
सर्व देव नमस्कारः केशवं प्रति गच्छति ||

AkAshAt patitam tOyam yathA gacchati sAgaram |
sarva dEva namaskArah kEshavam pratigacchati ||


Interpretations:
Literal meaning:
As all the raindrops falling from the sky ultimately meet their end in the ocean, the worship of any divine God ultimately reach the one Supreme Lord.

Interpretation 1:
Like the raindrops falling on the earth ultimately merge with the sea, all of us have emerged from the divine and will one day revert to him.

Interpretation 2: (Source Link is mentioned below)
Just as the rivers discard their individual names to merge with the sea
So too the wise ones discard their egos to merge with the Infinite

Interpretation 3:
Approaches & Origins may be different but the destination is the same.

On the look of it there there is the mention of keShava, meaning this is to do with dwaita principle. But it is said that this can be interpreted to portray the adwaita principle as well. For me, this Shloka is beyond dwaita and adwaita principles. It is about achieving a mental and emotional state where the happenings of the day to day should not and does not effect your steps towards achieving your final goal.

Interpretation is left open to the reader. While going through the net, I found the below link explaining a different perspective.

http://indusladies.com/community/threads/aakaashaat-pateetam-toyam-yatha-gacchati-saagaram.207491/

ॐ  शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ||